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The mom asks, “Why on earth do you need that?”The little boy replies, “isn’t that what you give daddy when HIS shit won’t get hard?!”This compliments of Mario MComplaints to wife and replyTo My Dearest Wife,During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn’t succeed more often:We will wake the kids - 54 timesIt’s too late - 15 timesI’m too tired - 42 timesIt’s too. I think that's why she left the scarf - she wouldn't need it anymore. She would go home and fold up those tight fitting jeans and put the new Justins in the back of her closet.In my mind I know she's a lady and I'd never tell anyone what had happened that night... that story of a queen that wanted to spend a night with the likes of me. We had parted but she took a large part of my heart with her. I knew I'd held more woman in my arms that night than most men would ever see. I know she will. Irene was a drunk.Bill looked embarrassed when Irene passed out at the table, and I was embarrassed for him. He helped her to bed and returned with a sad look on his face. “I’m sorry,” he said. “She’s an alcoholic, and won’t let anyone help her. Her sister’s tried, Dave’s tried. God knows I’ve tried. Drinking means everything to her. It’s really sad.”It was an awkward moment. "I'm sorry, Bill. It must be very hard on you."He just nodded. We went into the living room and watched TV for a while,. .. I... It's been so long... I never thought — ever again... I-I don't know how to thank you," Celes finally managed to force out, with none of her customary accent.Danica's eyes welled up. They fell into each other's arms and both cried for a few minutes."You like it?" Danica asked and sniffled."Dear gods, Danica," Celes said with a little shiver running through her. "I've seen that girl Andrea at the baths so many times when Zoraster was torturing me with it. I wanted her so bad. I almost.
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